This mindset hack is gold

Handling daily transitions properly is a must. TBH it’s not something I was ever conscious about nor was I good at. But as a mother, and certainly in the pandemic era… I find this really key! Of course we can only control ourselves, but this seriously helps ‘manage’ the way YOU move from, and show up FOR tasks, responsibilities, interactions and activities throughout your day.

My biggest pain-point had me searching for solutions…. that vicious cycle, of constant resistance to what seemed like everything under the sun with my kids. Morning or evening routines did not discriminate. My reactions not only depleted any energy stores I had, but would only fuel the fire between our interactions, and set the tone for what would happen next.

When searching for a solution I came across a practice that has been a COMPLETE game changer (when utilized), and is directly related to the way in which we handle daily transitions. I need to get back to using it; it is so effective. Everything else I had tried previously was not. For almost a year I was grasping at anything to try with my kids. Praising good behaviour, incentives, consistent discipline techniques, a structured routine, the list goes on. Finally I opted to accept the resistance was not going away anytime soon, and I could either suffer or move through it. I resolved to the fact that there are some seasons of life that you just need to accept and honour, regardless of the challenges and frustrations they present to you.

I love personal development. I enjoy consuming content that makes me a better human, that challenges a current perspective, or that exposes me to the benefits of being open to another way of doing things. I’m all over takeaways that I can implement.

Low and behold one of my favourite influential personal development and achievement leaders held the answer! After all, handling the seemingly never-ending resistance with my kids was going to be an inside job. Brendan Burchard you are a lifesaver! His “release tension and set intention” technique is EXTREMELY applicable to instances where we lack control and become easily impacted. It’s so simple: start by viewing your day as a series of activities. I’ll run you through a real-life example. The morning weekly routine with kids. Now let’s say breakfast was a crap show, all because I didn’t make a star with the icing for the toaster strudel. How was I supposed to know a happy face would lead us down this road first thing? Motherhood with little people is 80% walking on eggshells I swear. But it didn’t end there, it rarely ever does. I forgot to wash my sons “preferred uniform” you know, the same sweats they insist on wearing day-after-day. The old Ashley would have allowed this to impact every single subsequent interaction I had with them until school drop-off and then I would show up frustrated as heck for my workday. Of course there were times where I would only let something like the above scenario affect a smaller portion of my day, but the point is, you don’t have to!

So here is the skinny. Release the tension IMMEDIATELY! That way there is no flow over into the next activity. Then ask yourself how you want to show up for what is next on your list. Put another way, to feel your best, what are you going to make sure you do? What are your intentions?

Real life example? And yes, this happens pretty consistently. My kids are fighting over who gets to sit in the same row as Nash on the way to school. One always ends up upset regardless of how delicately I address this. Things usually don’t simmer down between them for the commute either but I KNOW what my intention is going to be at dropoff. Love each kid up, make them feel six feet tall, give them a hug and mask kiss, and send them on their way. I leave feeling good and they go to school feeling happier.

So when a daily interaction, task, responsibility (AKA activity) goes completely opposite of the way you envisioned and is likely to negatively impact your day (if left unmanaged), release the tension, and set your intentions for what’s up next for you. The way we (as moms particularly) handle our daily transitions affects everyone else. It’s why I have found this technique so important! Try it! It’s such an effective mindset hack!

New Year, BRAND New Decade

“Declare your intentions”

So many lessons in 2019 that have primed me to catapult into a New Year and Brand new decade.

Historically, I was a resolution setter, it always involved the usual…losing weight or going to the gym more. My resolutions were repetitive and lacked creativity. They were often driven by some upcoming event…a hot vacation, Christmas parties, another impending summer. You know how it is.

Once February or March rolled around, I was often disappointed. I would have either slipped up, or just decided to throw in the towel, and that was it for the resolution. Those kind of New Years resolutions usually always meant failure for me.

Last year I chose a guiding statement that would affect the behaviour, actions and inactions I had hoped to take ALL year; “to do the things that make me feel the way I want to feel”. I was not relentless in my pursuit of following through on that. I allowed other things to get in the way and severely demote those priorities.

This year, I chose a word for 2020. It is PROUD, and I am declaring it. I want to feel proud about every.single.faucet of my life, as a parent, a partner, as a friend, in every single relationship I have with others, as an employee, etc. Choosing a word to guide your ENTIRE FREAKIN’ YEAR is pretty awesome when you think about it, because it’s so distilled it can be applied to so many things. It will sit in the back of my head so I am conscious about every single behaviour, action and inaction. The best part? Each day is the opportunity for a reset if needed.

So whatever you want for this year, declare it. No year is going to be any different than the previous if you don’t make changes in your life. And the changes don’t have to be executed perfectly. Instead embrace the practice of consistency.

Start by auditing your previous year…EVERYTHING! What made your year awesome? What affected you in a positive way? Those are the things you need to see MORE of this year. What was a waste of time? What kinds of things sucked the energy right out of you? Was there anything you wished you never took on? That made you stressed or anxious? Omit as much of that as you can this year.

Gosh, as I reviewed my 2019, I took note of SO much. I want to see more focused one-on-one time with my kids and Brian. It is so easy to get caught up in what we perceive needs to get done, that we often make those important to us wait.

I want to lean into reciprocal relationships and away from those that are one-sided. What a simple way to protect your energy! I want to reserve more of that for the things that are important and impactful for me, and waste LESS of it on situations, realities and outcomes I can’t control.

I want to pursue more interests and passions without feeling the need for approval, because it is important to be YOU.

This year I want to be proud for making all of the above a MASSIVE priority in my life. For a good part of January, I’m going to map it all out. My intentions, and the actions that will support those intentions, so I’m ready to rock 2020.